I really hate the way that's worded, but mostly because it really hurts my heart. Not that it isn't accurate. I do think on Lelouch's part, it's more of realization that Suzaku is through with what they had and will come at him with all he's got so Lelouch has no choice but to return the favor. I do want to know why it matters to Suzaku who Lelouch is doing this for. Is this Suzaku's final way to rationalize his rage since he knows Lelouch won't hold back either?

As I've said many other places, I am morbidly curious to see whether Lelouch will have better resolve this time around or whether he will TRY much harder and ultimately malfunction in the end. With his finger on the trigger, more or less. The thing is Lelouch has to realize that he can't be half-hearted with Suzaku since not only can Suzaku kill him but he's given Suzaku the very means of countering almost anything he could do to him due to his jacked-up survival mechanism. If Lelouch tries and backs down at the last second, Suzaku will GUT him. I really worry what will be the conclusion with these two and whether one will really kill the other. If Lelouch dies, part of me wants it to be Suzaku who kills him. However, I do not want Lelouch to kill Suzaku. Unless he has no other choice and I'm not sure how he could reach that point of "no choice" since he obviously can't fuck up Suzaku with his geass.

In my latest post, I've surmised the "Lelouch still has Nunnally" theory, which has always kept him just within reach in the past. But spoilers seem to hint that something might occur with Nunnally. Either she dies or she turns on him. If such an event happens, it really could push him over that precariously close edge. She really is his last line of defense when it comes to his soul so I worry that the creators might go for full-devil after all. I don't know. I'm just very antsy about this whole thing right now. Final speech did me in.

I think my personal connection to Lelouch made this episode much more painful than 22. Not because I was in such agony for Lelouch but because I was in such agony at the way he was once again losing what he once held so dear. I'm also far too attached to the Suzaku/Lelouch dynamic. I too lose my nerve when Lelouch comes dangerously close to convincing me that he can be just as cold as he would have others think he is. I fear "evil" Lelouch so very much. I really enjoy this idea of a dark character who just barely keeps one foot out of hell while the rest of him is already there.

I'm not asking for a reconciliation between the boys. It would be nice and cliched and make me happy in my fangirl heart but I'm not sure if it fits the Geass mood. I'm just asking that if Suzaku kills Lelouch, there's some sort of realization more or less in that he regrets it at the last minute. Again, Lelouch killing Suzaku in cold blood will destroy this series for me. Same goes for Nunnally. I can... accept Lelouch killing Suzaku if it's done VERY well and true to character. Now I would prefer that neither were to die, but I'm not so certain I'll get my wish.

Also, I randomly realized the other day in my wanderings around the Net in search of spoilers, you play CC at Island RP. I play Lulu at Campfuckudie. There is deep meaning somewhere in this. And I'm posting on my RP account because I was doing something with it when I came back to this post. I's too lazy to log out.