tempestuously (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tempestuously) wrote2009-09-06 02:01 pm
tempestuously) wrote2009-09-06 02:01 pm
As the NC would put it, this movie is ENTIRELY POINTLESS
Tom and I saw Dragonball Evolution. It was entertaining as all get out. Have some thoughts.
- Would it have killed them to get an Asian Goku? I know it's asking A LOT for directors to know the difference between Japanese and Chinese so I'll be lenient about Chow Yun Fat and alll that (Because Chow Yun Fat is a wonderful wonderful man of awesome) but come on, when a white kid tells you his name is Son Goku, you cannot take that seriously. It's insulting. His grandfather is Asian for crying out loud. This is like the 3 Ninjas, where three Caucasian boys mysteriously have two Caucasian parents and an ASIAN grandfather. How retarded do you think we are, Hollywood?
- I love how all of Goku's high school bullies are suddenly KUNG-FU FIGHTERS? Seriously, what bully fights with kung-fu? That said, the fights in this were cool, although ridiculous.
- This movie wants you to know it had a CG BUDGET. WORSHIP ITS CG BUDGET, BITCHES. I'm serious, sometimes we spend entire segments on things like drops of sweat. And this movie isn't that long so um. Piccolo looked... all right though. And the inventions and vehicles were cool.
-Why does Piccolo have a hot girl assasin? Uh. Moving along?
- Did I mention Chow Yun Fat is awesome? Honestly, the characterizations in this movie weren't that bad. Nobody looked their parts, but they brought out the essence of the characters. I even know who Yamcha was just by his way of speaking. I lol at Bulma's one blue streak of hair though. If the acting (particularly Bulma's) had been significantly better (read: tried), I think this aspect of the movie would have been perfectly acceptable. Exception to this is of course Goku, who was just plain BAD.
- They did show a Saiyan. They might have never referred to it as a Saiyan or provided much of an explanation whatsoever. But I got my monkey so I'm not complaining. Random note, to the uninitiated, the ape looked like a generic monster so if you've never read the series, you wouldn't know what it is. Case in point, I asked somehow who saw this movie earlier whether Goku has his ape form and I was told no. Hah.
- I love how Goku's house gets crushed, falls on his grandfather and yet the next day, it's still half standing to the point that not only can he walk through it but he can have a fight with Bulma in the middle of it. Priceless. Inconsistencies like this surrounding the movie. There's a big deal about how Piccolo got imprisoned in the ground for 2,000 years. And our explanation for how he escaped and is running amuck this whole movie? "Somehow." I am not making this up. We get one throwaway line about how "Piccolo somehow escaped" and that is it. Wow, movie, just wow.
- There is a scene where Piccolo sends some regenerating warriors made from his blood after our heroes. After discovering the baddies regenerate when sliced in half, Goku's plan is to keep slicing them and throw their bodies into the lava so he can make a bridge to cross. OUR HERO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OUR HERO.
- Kamehameha is actually pretty cool effect. Even if the characters look like they're dancing whenever they do it.
- Why is Piccolo in this movie? Until the VERY END when there is actually fighting (in epic Dragonball power blasting), Piccolo does nothing the entire movie but stand around and look menacing. He might as well stayed in the ground and been resurrected by his hot chick at the very end. But then the movie couldn't use its oh so special makeup budget on him the rest of the time.
- THEY ARE MAKING A SEQUEL. WHY GOD WHY?
And that commences your review of Dragonball: EVOLUTION. Which brings me to one last point. Nobody actually evolves in this move. So why the hell do they call it evolution? Could they not just use Dragonball? Why not Dragonball: ABOMINATION. That has a nice ring to it. Or Dragonball: DESECRATION. Ooh, I like that one. Ideas?
- Would it have killed them to get an Asian Goku? I know it's asking A LOT for directors to know the difference between Japanese and Chinese so I'll be lenient about Chow Yun Fat and alll that (Because Chow Yun Fat is a wonderful wonderful man of awesome) but come on, when a white kid tells you his name is Son Goku, you cannot take that seriously. It's insulting. His grandfather is Asian for crying out loud. This is like the 3 Ninjas, where three Caucasian boys mysteriously have two Caucasian parents and an ASIAN grandfather. How retarded do you think we are, Hollywood?
- I love how all of Goku's high school bullies are suddenly KUNG-FU FIGHTERS? Seriously, what bully fights with kung-fu? That said, the fights in this were cool, although ridiculous.
- This movie wants you to know it had a CG BUDGET. WORSHIP ITS CG BUDGET, BITCHES. I'm serious, sometimes we spend entire segments on things like drops of sweat. And this movie isn't that long so um. Piccolo looked... all right though. And the inventions and vehicles were cool.
-Why does Piccolo have a hot girl assasin? Uh. Moving along?
- Did I mention Chow Yun Fat is awesome? Honestly, the characterizations in this movie weren't that bad. Nobody looked their parts, but they brought out the essence of the characters. I even know who Yamcha was just by his way of speaking. I lol at Bulma's one blue streak of hair though. If the acting (particularly Bulma's) had been significantly better (read: tried), I think this aspect of the movie would have been perfectly acceptable. Exception to this is of course Goku, who was just plain BAD.
- They did show a Saiyan. They might have never referred to it as a Saiyan or provided much of an explanation whatsoever. But I got my monkey so I'm not complaining. Random note, to the uninitiated, the ape looked like a generic monster so if you've never read the series, you wouldn't know what it is. Case in point, I asked somehow who saw this movie earlier whether Goku has his ape form and I was told no. Hah.
- I love how Goku's house gets crushed, falls on his grandfather and yet the next day, it's still half standing to the point that not only can he walk through it but he can have a fight with Bulma in the middle of it. Priceless. Inconsistencies like this surrounding the movie. There's a big deal about how Piccolo got imprisoned in the ground for 2,000 years. And our explanation for how he escaped and is running amuck this whole movie? "Somehow." I am not making this up. We get one throwaway line about how "Piccolo somehow escaped" and that is it. Wow, movie, just wow.
- There is a scene where Piccolo sends some regenerating warriors made from his blood after our heroes. After discovering the baddies regenerate when sliced in half, Goku's plan is to keep slicing them and throw their bodies into the lava so he can make a bridge to cross. OUR HERO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OUR HERO.
- Kamehameha is actually pretty cool effect. Even if the characters look like they're dancing whenever they do it.
- Why is Piccolo in this movie? Until the VERY END when there is actually fighting (in epic Dragonball power blasting), Piccolo does nothing the entire movie but stand around and look menacing. He might as well stayed in the ground and been resurrected by his hot chick at the very end. But then the movie couldn't use its oh so special makeup budget on him the rest of the time.
- THEY ARE MAKING A SEQUEL. WHY GOD WHY?
And that commences your review of Dragonball: EVOLUTION. Which brings me to one last point. Nobody actually evolves in this move. So why the hell do they call it evolution? Could they not just use Dragonball? Why not Dragonball: ABOMINATION. That has a nice ring to it. Or Dragonball: DESECRATION. Ooh, I like that one. Ideas?
no subject
Justin Chatwin: You wanted to tell me something?
Token Asian Chick: I wanted to tell you the other day at my party, that I fight too, you know?
Justin Chatwin: Oh yeah, wow, that's really cool. Anyway, uh, that thing you wanted to tell me at your party, what was that?
"Chi-Chi": I'm a fighter too 8D
no subject