Re: With Sorrow, At Least

[tempestuously]

Hoo boo is this going to be as manic as Lelouch. It's also mad long and semi-introspective. Ready go.

First, let's deal with the nickpickery I mentioned. I'm slightly less ruffled about it after reading a partial translation where Lelouch wonders if his geass power has diminished since Euphie originally tried to resist his order. He also proposes that it might have been the clashing of the order and Euphie's nature that led to the disruption. CC reveals nothing either way. Now why does this matter? First, let's explain it through my eyes and then I'll take a shot at Lelouch (might as well since I tossed myself into channeling him from now on). I love Euphemia, and while I was fine with her dying for the sake of the story and Lelouch's descent, I hoped it would be semi-logical in that she had to die since she couldn't be stopped from killing and would probably never forgive herself for what she did or be redeemed in the eyes of her people. I think the first part also applies to why Lelouch felt he had to shoot her, with an addition of needing Euphemia dead so he could use her as an example of Britannia cruelty without having to worry about his mixed feelings. Euphemia always did tend to mess up his resolve. Love does that to you. What throws a real wrench into things is that if Euphemia could resist geass once more when dealing with Suzaku, who's to say she couldn't elsewise. Maybe shooting her down threw her off her game, and that Lelouch could have just wounded her instead of killing her. (He had no way of knowing this because he's never seen people resist geass once it's taken effect. Hell, he's made people cap themselves in the head or impale themselves upon his command.)

I'm giving the series the benefit of the doubt here and going with the geass was weakened because Euphemia was dying and because her love for Suzaku was so strong, meaning that same resolve wouldn't apply to other Japanese. But if we go with dying weakened the effect that means Suzaku also faces a future problem since his "live" geass could fail if he's wounded badly enough and truly wants to sacrifice himself. I don't see this happening, as I'm not sure there's anyone left that he would do this for. Possibly Nunnally. We will take on the whole Lelouch/Suzaku dynamic later. But suffice it to say, Suzaku's not going to be sacrificing himself for his former best friend. My main issue with weakening the geass is it comes dangerously close to making Euphemia's death pointless and while I could argue that heightens the tragedy, I think, without good reason, it stands a continuity error that overrules the dramatic/story significance. I understand its importance to show Suzaku she's under the influence of something, and I get that it would have been more fucked up to have her try to attack him while dying BUT this way it's almost a cop-out. Maybe I'm wrong. I want to be wrong. Someone prove me wrong. Because this is the first thing in geass to really get under my skin in a bad way.

Other than that distress, I enjoyed the episode. It gave me a queasy feeling in my stomach, but that's to be expected. It really freaked me out when Euphemia ran out of ammo and was searching around for some while happily chatting with Zero about killing the Japanese. Since she knows that's her brother, eep. And Zero shooting her -- Yes, I think it's important to point out that Lelouch seemed to go to explicit detail to have Zero shoot her. He could have killed her in Gawain or let Kallen do the deed, but instead wanted both the visual evidence and the responsibility of killing her. He wanted people to know Zero did it, much as he told them he killed Clovis. This literally sends chills down my spine at the calculation that went into this, the split second calculation decided upon realizing that he'd doomed Euphemia forever. I admit that like some, I am a little wonked out by the fact that it took one shot to the heart to do in the princess while a spray of bullet fire couldn't take out Mao. Where's that Britannia miracle medicine when you need it?

Suzaku... oh Suzaku how I cried for you, especially during the conversation with dying Euphemia about Ashford. You knew she was doomed, but you had to just keep fooling yourself. You are always fooling yourself. I don't care what others may say about how you and Lelouch don't understand each other, you're so damn alike. I was scared shitless when CC, fearing Suzaku would harm Lelouch, tried to take out Suzaku with Gawain. I think I was too busy going "Lelouch, you need to control your hell-bitch!" to even care that Lancelot was performing the impossible as usual and pwning both Gawain and Kallen. I think CC has a greater chance of harming Suzaku in the future than Lelouch, though I have no doubts that Suzaku is out for Lelouch's blood. Kallen... I think he's learned how to take her. She makes for good backup though. I really believe I would have been much more emotional toward the SuzuEuphie scenes if I wasn't SO pissed about the afore-mentioned issue. Still her death set against the Zero frenzy was so unsettling. It made me almost as uncomfortable as knowing that Lelouch planned out Zero's killing of Euphemia. Almost. I did like the symbolism of Suzaku leaving his father's watch with Euphemia, possibly a sign that he's going to stop this attitude of righteous atonement and just go for full throttle REVENGE. Again, Lelouch much? I really need to write a separate essay on Suzaku and how he's quite possibly a much larger threat than Lelouch ever could be because of both his abilities, his "live" geass and his devotion to his ideals over all else, something Lelouch continues to struggle with. Life really sucks for Suzaku.

Then we have the phone conversation at the end. Quite arguably the other most disturbing element of this episode because we all know how it will lead to and I'm fairly sure so do our Geass boys. Suzaku's forced casual attitude, while met with his driven eyes and hint of a deadly tone, matched against Lelouch's unavoidable friendly tone, while met with his preparations to rain down destruction on Britannia and knowledge that this will be the final time they speak this way. I think I felt my heart break when I heard Lelouch refer to Suzaku as a friend, even though he knows full well that's not the case. There is debate over whether Suzaku knows Lelouch is Zero when he calls. I think this is obvious since he deliberately calls on Euphemia's phone and wouldn't be discussing something so seemingly trivial with Lelouch at a time when he's got MURDER on the mind. That they are talking about hate seals the deal. As for why I believe Lelouch knows something is up is for mostly the same connection to Euphemia's cell and he can probably just tell from Suzaku's tone. Lelouch is not stupid. Now why he doesn't seem to care that Suzaku knows he killed Euphemia, I'm not certain. Is it explained by what Lelouch says about Suzaku after he hangs up? I just really want to know what he says. What most freaked me out about this scene is how the two act as if things are as they always were. Eternal liars those two. Truly twin stars if I ever saw them. And that really hurts. I do hope if either one dies, it's not the other one's fault because not only would that be cliched; it's just no damn fair.

With Sorrow, At Least. I forget how this title is officially written, but I've wondered about its meaning for some time. My instant connection is to Lelouch since that's where most of my thoughts usually go. In this way, I think the title symbolizes that Lelouch does what he does with sorrow. This could just be my speculation since the creators appear so fascinated with making him a devil, and this interpretation shows an emphasis on his still being conflicted. It could also mean at least Lelouch is closing to getting what he wants even if it involves sorrow for others. I find this the weaker interpretation of mine so I would like to hear others. I'm more willing to support the first since we get the scene of Lelouch telling Euphemia she was probably his first love, Lelouch's difficulty in telling Nunnally what happened to Euphemia and the scene of Lelouch accepting CC's comfort. This scene was so freakin' beautiful. Those scenes definitely do seem to emphasize Lelouch's trouble balancing his desires and his "soul" more or less. Or maybe I'm way off and someone says it. I don't know Japanese.

Random things that probably matter to other people so I'll mention them: Jeremiah coming out of his tube was 100 times the hot, I hate Kaguya (Maybe I'll like her later but I hate her now. I don't want that type of perkiness in my time of sorrow. Her infatuation with Zero also bothers me. And I think she's nuts. I'm sure others disagree so I'll say at least her speech was unique for the persona she displays), VV scares me, Shirley's storyline is once again boring me, Cornelia makes me cry, I don't like Villetta being here just to show the dark side of the rebels and Millay shouldn't let Nina play with Ganymede. Also, where's Schneizel?

Oh yeah, even if he was off his friggin' rocker, crazy-ass Zero was visually amazing at the end there. Taking out the stage wow.

And look we got to see Arthur one last time. I will never survive the wait for next season or the final two episodes or whatever we're getting. This is me screaming now.

I'm probably posting this to the geass comm later and portions to zero_quality once I get my head straight.

Comments

[equivalent-t.livejournal.com]

Ahaha phone call. I call that scene 'the exact moment friendship ends', and I think both of them know what they're getting into, if not the extent. (Lelouch likely has a better idea in a broad sense, but the narrow sense goes to Suzaku. He's generally much more aware of the personal implications) Lelouch probably knows Suzaku hates his guts now, that's why he said "And I have already decided. There is no going back." which he won't say imo if he's just talking as Lelouch Lamperouge. And did I detect a sob/gasp from Suzaku when he finished saying "Yes. [We have been friends] for so many years, always." ? What he said after hanging up, I think, is "Suzaku, my hands are already stained. If you still want to come face me then, I won't mind. I'll prepare a reception for you...after all, we are friends." Cue in mad laughter.

I think this is just like 17, when Lelouch feels he's suddenly lost everything. The good thing about him, though? He deals with losing things REALLY quickly. No matter how much he hesitates before things happen, when things DID happen he only needs a few moments to gather himself and just deal. In this case it seems he's not going to resist losing anymore and just go with it? He did say he has to erase his heart soon afterwards, since it's just getting in the way. I really have trouble imagining him actually doing that, though. Getting rid of the heart is probably not as easy as he thinks.

Overall I like the episode, but two things kept it from being a kick in the guts 22 was :
- Euphie resisting the Geass. I'm also going with "Dying lessens the Geass power", but it doesn't change how that scene detracts from the sheer tragedy of it.
- I was a bit busy being "Oh SHIT Suzaku ;______;" to go "Oh SHIT Lulu ;_______;", and since my latter is usually stronger than my former, the two results in a bland observer me instead of the omg noes fangirl me. Not that "Oh SHIT Suzaku ;_____;" isn't good or that it isn't long overdue, but! The effect remains.

I still think Lelouch and Suzaku have irreconcilable differences, though precisely because they ARE very alike at the core, yet very different in almost everything else. Because they're the same thing approaching different objects from a different point of view, their lines are going to run pararell to each other. It's going to take something drastic (like, say, Euphie comes back to life and smack them on the head) to get them to try understanding the other.

[thekingsgambit.livejournal.com]

I really hate the way that's worded, but mostly because it really hurts my heart. Not that it isn't accurate. I do think on Lelouch's part, it's more of realization that Suzaku is through with what they had and will come at him with all he's got so Lelouch has no choice but to return the favor. I do want to know why it matters to Suzaku who Lelouch is doing this for. Is this Suzaku's final way to rationalize his rage since he knows Lelouch won't hold back either?

As I've said many other places, I am morbidly curious to see whether Lelouch will have better resolve this time around or whether he will TRY much harder and ultimately malfunction in the end. With his finger on the trigger, more or less. The thing is Lelouch has to realize that he can't be half-hearted with Suzaku since not only can Suzaku kill him but he's given Suzaku the very means of countering almost anything he could do to him due to his jacked-up survival mechanism. If Lelouch tries and backs down at the last second, Suzaku will GUT him. I really worry what will be the conclusion with these two and whether one will really kill the other. If Lelouch dies, part of me wants it to be Suzaku who kills him. However, I do not want Lelouch to kill Suzaku. Unless he has no other choice and I'm not sure how he could reach that point of "no choice" since he obviously can't fuck up Suzaku with his geass.

In my latest post, I've surmised the "Lelouch still has Nunnally" theory, which has always kept him just within reach in the past. But spoilers seem to hint that something might occur with Nunnally. Either she dies or she turns on him. If such an event happens, it really could push him over that precariously close edge. She really is his last line of defense when it comes to his soul so I worry that the creators might go for full-devil after all. I don't know. I'm just very antsy about this whole thing right now. Final speech did me in.

I think my personal connection to Lelouch made this episode much more painful than 22. Not because I was in such agony for Lelouch but because I was in such agony at the way he was once again losing what he once held so dear. I'm also far too attached to the Suzaku/Lelouch dynamic. I too lose my nerve when Lelouch comes dangerously close to convincing me that he can be just as cold as he would have others think he is. I fear "evil" Lelouch so very much. I really enjoy this idea of a dark character who just barely keeps one foot out of hell while the rest of him is already there.

I'm not asking for a reconciliation between the boys. It would be nice and cliched and make me happy in my fangirl heart but I'm not sure if it fits the Geass mood. I'm just asking that if Suzaku kills Lelouch, there's some sort of realization more or less in that he regrets it at the last minute. Again, Lelouch killing Suzaku in cold blood will destroy this series for me. Same goes for Nunnally. I can... accept Lelouch killing Suzaku if it's done VERY well and true to character. Now I would prefer that neither were to die, but I'm not so certain I'll get my wish.

Also, I randomly realized the other day in my wanderings around the Net in search of spoilers, you play CC at Island RP. I play Lulu at Campfuckudie. There is deep meaning somewhere in this. And I'm posting on my RP account because I was doing something with it when I came back to this post. I's too lazy to log out.

[undying-pizza.livejournal.com]

I really enjoy this idea of a dark character who just barely keeps one foot out of hell while the rest of him is already there.

I like this line. It seems that's what Lelouch would be in season 2. In season 1 he's standing at the twilight and trying not to go into the darkness, and now he's just about letting himself slide in there. Pun not intended. With one foot out of hell there's a vague possibility that he may come out somehow, but not unscathed.

As for Lelouch's line...he seems to me less a man who has no choice, than a man who finally accepts that his life is shit, so what, it's not like he would go back if he can. His words seemed chosen to cut and sever any lines they might have had, a stark contrast to how he's dealt with Suzaku thus far...he knows Suzaku's coming for him with all the rage he's ever felt, but he also feels pretty shitty about this whole thing and when you're like that...one more crack in the wall doesn't hurt so much. At least that's what I think.

(Somewhere in my head I feel Suzaku might kill Nanaly, because of THAT question. The saner part says he just wants to know, and partly because he already knows. To see your friend being someone you don't think he is, you need some reason from his mouth. It's like a "Yes. You betrayed me. I want to hear those exact words from you" in less exact terms?)

22 was worse to me because...well, it's such a sudden up to down. And the moment Lelouch really loses everything...23 cements it in, but it's clicked in his heart since 22, and that's why it was so bad for me. Of course I'm also too attached to LuluEuphieSuza

Ahaha no I wasn't thinking you want reconciliation. It would be NICE at this point my fangirl heart's hoping people runs into Euphie's spirit in the World of C or wherever Clovis is and have a bittersweet OT3 so I can hardly call foul on you but Geass seems to say bad things are what you live with. What I meant by 'irreconcilable differences' is simply 'Suzaku and Lelouch can't really understand each other'. XD And I know, LL-SZK killing in cold blood would be a huge chalk o' minus for me, too. Like what? Go to such trouble telling us they have human hearts, they like each other, ramp up the drama, and play a Death Note? That's not what Geass does. It's much more subtle than that, or so I'd like to believe.

There is deep meaning somewhere in this.

Definitely. Possible that you'll regret friending me! Because your luck would start sliding downwards and cursed by the universe! XDDD In all seriousness I don't play her enough. In the spirit of 4th wall I'm also replaying with her journal. :D

[nayami.livejournal.com]

So you're saying it was more of a "this is all fucked anyway so why don't you just come over here and make the madness complete" deal? I mean in a very twisted and heart-rending way, he is encouraging him. He's telling him to fight for what he believes in and choose his own path. Unlike trying to turn him to his way of thinking, as he's done so many times before. I wonder if this is Lelouch partially regretting messing with Suzaku's life before and figures if Suzaku has truly decided to hate him, he's not going to sugarcoat it and pretend they can come to a peace. This does show a level of maturity on both their parts so I guess I can take that positive statement out of the tragedy. Suzaku is finally going to be himself, and Lelouch is no longer going to try to make him something he's not. They will each fight for their own ideals/cause. Again, I hope this means Suzaku will no longer serve Britannia but himself, as it should be.

Suzaku is fuckin' nuts, but I don't know if he can break his anxieties with harming innocents. At least I'm not sure yet. He did tell Lelouch to keep the council from seeing the murder in the skies. I know most of this was just pure THREAT to Lelouch, but I think it shows Suzaku still worries about others... who haven't offed his girlfriend. Your explanation of him using the question to get Lelouch to admit to his sins also sounds quite valid. Since it's him asking Lelouch why he's doing what he's doing and Lelouch giving an answer shows he *is* doing what he's doing. That made no sense.

I also want OT3 spirit reunions oh so badly. God I miss Euphie already. That Suzaku and Lelouch can't understand each other results from their extreme devotion to their own code/path. That drive is so much the same it's like trying to force two similar poles together. It just doesn't work. They will also repel and more violently depending on how fiercely you try to connect them. Lelouch and Suzaku are now equally extremists. Though I still would argue Suzaku is potentially the more dangerous of the two because I rarely see him second-guessing himself when it comes to his goal.

Man, my luck already blows. Not as bad as Lulu's of course but somewhere around 75th percentile. XD Well, I just got him and haven't played much since I was waiting to see how 23 would affect his character. I'm right now in the process of sorting out how I want to portray him since I took him from right after 21.

[equivalent-t.livejournal.com]

Yes. :D Lelouch is sooo encouraging him. He's inviting the end to their friendship. I think it also has something to do with him cutting the lines to his heart once and for all, since holding to them serves no useful purpose. And it's ironic : Suzaku is finally doing things for himself instead of Britannia, instead of the greater goal, which is what Lelouch wanted him to all along. Plus there's how Suzaku is now finally who he is, but Lelouch? Lelouch has successfully convinced himself to be someone he isn't. And the most fucked up part? Suzaku now has a reason to live that isn't Euphemia, and that's what Lelouch's Friendship Heart wanted all along. (Is this a case example of "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it (in all the wrong ways)?")

Part of that was, I think, Suzaku's also trying to get Lelouch to say something to negate all that. His hate and the explanation and what he's about to do and what VV told him about---by making a threat, most people would try to negate it if they have any linger affection/hesitation. Not what happened. Thus why his hand tightened at "Go ahead and hate", and that gasp/sob at "We're friends". I am also pretty sure he still cares about the seitokai, though.

It's said Suzaku would become a revenge monster. I can see Suzaku being the worst monster of the two; once he's decided something, Suzaku doesn't stay his hand. And right now, Suzaku doesn't have anything left to lose. That position won't help you if you're doing big things like Lelouch, but if you're a lone man trying to wreak havoc? Oh yes, yes it does.