(no subject)

[tempestuously]

I have a killer headache and I wish I didn't have to go to work because of it. But I am in a mostly good mood with one exception. I think I'm going to start reevaluating how much attention I pour on other people. I never really notice I do it. But it seems they don't either. And I guess I'm just tired of it always being one-way. Because at this point, I'm not sure what standards I should be reaching for and will just accept it doesn't matter what I do. Bleh.

As for the other stuff that usually goes on this journal, I have been busy with work and it's limited my time for other stuff, but I'll try to get back to it. Maybe.

Comments

[unicorn]

I tend to think that one's division of attention should be decided based on what makes you happy, rather than on proving or not proving something to other people.

[nayami.livejournal.com]

This is a generalized statement that works quite well in theory, but not so much in practice. Meaning I love doing things just to make others happy. It's just a simple joy I get in seeing people smile or seem excited about something. It's a great feeling. That said, I have been told many times that my personality and way of life result in constant one-way connections. It just makes me wonder if most (not all) of said connections are not better served being involved in something mutual. Or maybe I'm just unable to understand how a person that cares so much about people is typically left on her own. And I cannot help feeling used. It sucks, but after so many times...

[unicorn]

That was actually my point - that if your sense of being used is worse than your being happy to do stuff for people, then you should cut back.

In my experience, which is in no way comprehensive, the "user" in these situations usually doesn't realize that the other party feels that way, since the one-way flow of attention has generally been established for some time and feels like the norm. If that's the case, the other person usually tries to change if you talk to them about it, because they thought they had a mutual connection already. But your mileage may vary there.

edit: oooh, dragonsong12 is much more articulate than me today.

[dragonsong12.livejournal.com]

I used to be like that, but came to the conclusion that I didn't like people enough in general to be able to suffer for them. When I had to shoulder the burden of other's depressions and anxieties and suicidal worries and got nothing in return (the happy helpful feelings were buried under too much muck) I realized it was time to stop and worry about me for a bit. I like helping people, and I will whenever I can, but I hate being in situations where people depend on me, so I distance myself.
Nobody ever does anything for anything but selfish reasons, there's nothing wrong with that. Even the act of helping for the sake of helping rewards you with warm fuzzies that make it worthwhile. Being a little overtly selfish isn't bad. You have to be careful, if the relationship is completely one-sided, people come to depend on that, and will have a hard time letting you go. I've found that in distancing myself a bit, the people that genuinely want a connection will make the effort, and we'll meet halfway.

Long story short (too late) I agree with the first poster even in regards to your reply. If one-sided relationships make you happy, then go with it, it's YOUR decision, don't let other people tell you "hey, this is one-sided, stop it" if you don't want to. I couldn't do it, but that's me. But don't forget to think about yourself once in a while, and ask yourself if it's really making you happy, or if it's just a duty you're fulfilling and act accordingly.
Any advice is moot in the face of what makes you happy. Not being you, I can't say what's right, this is just based off of my own experiences. I TYPE LONG REPLIES