Memoirs of the Angst-Bitch

Yay, there has been good Geass fanfiction again! Loev grendelity.

I was contemplating putting something up here regarding the pettiness of certain individuals because I actually think giving them attention would be productive this time. But I will bite my tongue.

Instead I will talk about Glambert. ( PS my roomie doesn't know what S&M is but that's not what's underneath this cut. )

Ugh, must drive home in Thanksgiving traffic. Will die.

I have a killer headache and I wish I didn't have to go to work because of it. But I am in a mostly good mood with one exception. I think I'm going to start reevaluating how much attention I pour on other people. I never really notice I do it. But it seems they don't either. And I guess I'm just tired of it always being one-way. Because at this point, I'm not sure what standards I should be reaching for and will just accept it doesn't matter what I do. Bleh.

As for the other stuff that usually goes on this journal, I have been busy with work and it's limited my time for other stuff, but I'll try to get back to it. Maybe.

I have a major gripe that I will never get over. I wish I could because I feel bad about holding the grudge. But favoring gay over canon will never sit well with me, even if you are the most awesome writer in the universe. Hot slash does not excuse canon manipulation. I hate being the only one who feels this way. I do. And it's a dumb thing to care about, but when I want to worship a writer and I can't because I can't get behind this concept that everyone and their dog is absolutely in love with, I just get bummed. Oh and for those playing along, no I'm not talking about CG fic.

I need to update this post with what I did over Memorial Weekend. Maybe when my game is done.

Lol my fear of the final Geass PD is insane. I just gather from the pictures it's yet another complete waste of time. It makes me sadface and then it builds onto other things to the point where I get moody about hearing things I don't like in other shows too. Argh, I am too character-centric to enjoy anime, I truly am. And it's just disheartening to know my obsession is really over. I really should try to watch Kai or Ghost 07 eventually...

Oh well, Tom's coming over today so I guess I can be semi-productive, and I did get my two awards the other day. They were shiny but made me long for my old job and reminded me how much I hate my old boss for driving me away. I really did love that job more, and I probably always will. I knew that area better than I will ever know anything. Maybe when he leaves, I will go back.

I am also marathoning Oscar songs. I got as far as the 60s, but the music got lame around the time of Shaft. Which I still don't see why that's a song. But I have heard some oldies that I love and didn't listen to in a while like "Say You, Say Me" and "You Must Love Me."

Jealous is such an annoying, silly thing. Especially when it comes to fandoms. I don't like people touching what is mine.

Look, I finally upped new icons. Yay.

I've had better nights. But I do get to be alone all night this time. House to myself! I can Net without guilt.

In random news, I take things to seriously and make myself sick. It irks me.

I need to make icons from Turn 8 already.

ETA: "But I do here all be alone all night this time"? I sound like a crack addict.

I love logic. That is all.

Also I am amused that the mood icon for bitchy is Lelouch. Hah!

Well, my Internet has been stupid slow lately, and I'm not sure if it's my computer, my actual Net or LiveJournal. Either way, it's time for a hearty round of bitch, mock, squee.

1. Bitch: I don't like it when I come up with a fairly creative idea with someone and have loads of fun with it but nobody notices. Then when someone with more notoriety repeats said idea, it's suddenly the most amusing thing ever. Nayami needs validation ok.

2. Mock: RPs that seem to believe Lelouch is a prolific cusser. I don't care if you're playing HS crack. If you are playing *Lelouch* you should not be cursing every other line regardless of how pissed he is. Lelouch is so much better at delivering poignant insults without resorting to crass language. On this note, I also must shake my head at RPs that feel every character is a slutho who switches between partners at the drop of a hat. Reference to CG: Lelouch = NOT EXPERIENCED. And seriously why would you not want to play that aspect to its fullest? It's hilarious! Consistency is also nice. R2!Suzaku is not going to try to kill Lelouch and then throw tea parties or whatever. I know it's not nice to bash people's interpretations, but there is such thing as DOING IT WRONG.
ETA: How come RP guys can be sluthos all they want and get involved in relationships right after coming off previous ones or be in relationships AS they are still in another one? People love it, nay *fangirl* it to insane levels. "OMG they're so hot!" BUT if a girl gets involved in the scenario, something is drastically wrong? Y'all horny bastards need to work on perspective and equality k. I don't know I guess I break from the majority of the fandom world because I actually *like* committed relationships with ONE person. Sluthos/bicycles don't amuse me at all.

3. Squee: kadekmoment, you have no idea how much our fluffy chan RP brightened my day last night! I must copy it and save it for prosperity. Such a tease. ;;

I'm mad pissed. The grunts are not supposed to be this friggin' hard. They are eating all my items! Worse, they make me fight crazyass!Suzaku right afterwards. What I hate about this game is when fighting Suzaku, I never know whether or not I'm supposed to win. Sometimes he'll fight normal and sometimes he'll land 16-hit combos. I'm going to have to level, but I doubt even that will do me any good. Damn it.

I'm also pissed because I did something I wasn't supposed to, and as usual my timing is spectacular. I love ending my nights friggin' pissed.

ETA: Crisis averted. Finished Lap 1. I guess I just needed to level up some and upgrade my third guy's mech. Cornelia was actually a much easier boss than the random grunts before her. Go figure. I do love fighting with Gawain and seeing Lelouch and C.C. being so sexy together. Or watching Suzaku go crazy go nuts. I will have no sleep for work, but I am happy. I can start the game where I can force Suzaku to be my friend forever. This calls for a smiley. :D Good times.

I won't lie. When I am under extreme stress, I find it very difficult to deal with things that will further stress me out, resulting in my snapping and being useless to everyone. Case in point, work over the past two holidays. Again, holidays are not fun for a person of my profession. They mean more work and less time to do it in. Today, I spent the better part pretending to be the equivalent of a full staff. When I thought I was done and could go home, I got a call and had to cover another assignment. I managed that one. About two hours later, I got another call and this assignment was much more difficult. Calls kept pouring in. I had to clear up my phone for practically the entire night.

I am furious on so many levels lately. Easily angered. Anger is then replaced with forced indifference toward problems. I cannot fix my situation. I can do nothing but watch it worsen. I don't know how in the name of God anyone expects me to be any good to them when it comes to helping them feel better. I am not in a good place myself. The tiniest things set me off. I nearly took off the Geek Squad guy's head when he came into my house this morning. I am noticing little issues in other things much more easily and taking them much harder. I am pissed that I can't just do things the way I want without having to conform to a standard that I honestly DISLIKE. I am a character analyst. I like getting in their heads. I like exploring them. Humor is not, nor has ever been my strong-point. I don't think there's anything bad about this; it just... makes things difficult. And I am worried and jealous and so many other unpleasant things that I would rather do without.

I think I am trying to do too much for too many people. Nayami only has so much to give. Between work, family, RL friends and Net friends, I am exhausted. I run myself ragged, answering phones, filling in for people, breaking up fights and spending hours analyzing over messaging systems. I don't mind. This is not me complaining and I don't ever want anyone to think they can't turn to me for help. I just want people to understand that if you do hit a time/day when I'm NOT able to help you, it does not mean I don't care. It means I'M FUCKING TIRED. And I shouldn't feel bad about that. Because I do try to be open and there for people as much and whenever they need me. But sometimes... I can't answer every call. Sometimes I want to be with my family. Or by myself and just having some me time. Not really doing anything. I am quickly approaching my breaking point.

AND I AM SERIOUSLY PISSED AT WHOEVER IS TO BLAME FOR ONE OF THESE ISSUES. As a reference point, if you read this journal, it's not you. I really want to talk to this person so I can understand what is in their head. Because I dislike being made a fool out of. And worse than that I hate dishonesty. I wish sometimes people would learn the difference between a game and the real world. Because it's so easy to mix up the two when dealing with the Internet. Like my Father says, the Internet makes things easy.

I am going to shut up now because I'm tired and ranty and will probably just keep going. I'll try to post something more worth your time tomorrow.