(no subject)

I am in one of those emotional states I detest. The ones where I constantly feel sick and don't want to do anything but then I fritter my time away on the Internet anyway, and nothing gets done. Then I get disappointed and angry with myself for my lack of motivation. This rage drives me away from everything I enjoy on the Net to the point where I can't post anything I want or even comment but I can't pull myself away from the Net either. It also makes me avoid AIM or play stealth!mode AIM because I don't want people to know that I'm haunting the Net for so long. Writing ties into this in that I keep pushing things off in favor of writing, but then I'm too scared or distracted or whatever to do anything. That just makes me more frustrated and more prone to keeping myself from interactive things. If only the frustration could keep me from the Net altogether. Then I'd probably be good. But suffice it to say, I'm going to be in a bad place if I don't find some way to produce something worthwhile. I just feel that I'm wasting my life.

The only things I did of any productivity my whole weekend were helping my Bro study, seeing Pirates again, and catching up on both Bleach and Hikaru no Go manga. That's it. It's disgusting. Almost as bad as last weekend too. It's like I don't know what to do with my free time, but I spend all day pining for it. I wish I knew what the hell was wrong with me.

EDIT: And I've just managed to write my slashy-goodness scene right out of my chapter. Go me. -_- I guess it's not so bad since having the fight repeat twice was a bad idea in the first place. I so wish I could play sick today. My stomach is not pleased with me.