Memoirs of the Angst-Bitch

So for reasons unknown to me, I have been on a crazy sleep schedule where I sleep half the night and then wake up and read my old original fiction until 5 a.m. I'm going to try not to do that tonight. Still, re-reading my stuff taught me much about how my writing has changed through the years, emphasized how incredibly fucked up I made my characters and made me pine to return to it. I actually think I want to return to Psychosis more than I want to work on Heritage. I will never again create a character as epically special as my Dominic. He is my greatest accomplishment. It's sad to know that since I have so many other stories I want to write. But it's just made me moody about not finding time to write again.

I think I'm going to try a short writing exercise of re-writing a passage to cut down on wordiness and make it sharper and make the dialogue not suck.

Things I learned through a re-read of my pairing:
- Lucian cries too damn much. Seriously, he cries every two chapters. That said, he is incredibly violent and punches people regularly.
- Dominic is surprisingly more feminine than Lucian. It's how he views things and what he thinks about. Hint: Lucian thinks about SEX.
- Lucian's co-dependency on Dominic is DEEPLY UNHEALTHY. Yet I love this so it's not changing. But he does forgive Dominic too fast sometimes, considering that Dominic literally tortures him and beats the ever-loving shit out of him. I need to work on that.
- Some of my dialogue reads so scripted that it's painful, especially when characters are hurt.
- Huge chunks of my narration could be cut and not affect the story at all.
- Vincient, Ty and Angelique are all horrible characters.
- I can't write young Dominic to save my life.
- In cataloging all the ways Dominic has hurt Lucian throughout the story I get: hitting, slapping, punching, straining wrist, choking, trying to slit his throat, burning, biting in his wolf form, throwing around, dislocating his arm and trying to shoot in the head. Wow. Dominic is an asshole.
- I need to work better on voice all around. Sometimes they all sound the same.
- Dominic and Lucian continue to be the most fucked-up pairing I have ever written.

I am debating renaming my main OC from "Psychosis" to Desmond because I feel the name is more in line with his characterization than Ty or Tyrell. Plus, Desmond means gracious protector and that's pretty awesome. That and Des is a cooler nickname than Ty. I think way back in the day I had an Australian shepherd character named Desmond. He fought a tiger or something. Either way, I love the name and want to use it for one of my novels. Yes, I realize this will cause some clashing between Desmond and Dominic, but since Dominic is mostly known as Nicky, I think it will be doable. This change will go along with me actually making Des (Ty) into a semi-formidable fighter/swordsman as he was originally supposed to be, to harken back to his Alistar ancestral linkage, and less of a throwaway. Desmond and Kathryn Fatine. I like it!

I am going to make my cookies tonight! I'll probably be baking forever but it'll be awesome. Provided my roommate does not decide to give running commentary.

I've been slack on my political commentary since I like to be perky during my holidays. We might even get snow Friday. So I just want to laugh at the term "aughties". Dorks. Speaking of dorks, I am still so hyped up about the Princess and the Frog. I think I've decided that Tiana is my second favorite princess, just under Belle. Mulan ranks three, even though she's not really a princess. I guess that makes this list a Top Disney Females list or something. And well, the other princesses all kind of fail. They're adorable but examples of strong-willed women they aren't. Ariel was close but loses credit for being willing to risk losing her life for a guy she knew for 10 seconds. Jasmine... well, Jasmine is a bitch. Enough said. Honorable mentions include Jane, Nala, Esmeralda, Megara (who loses some points for the terrible writing at the end of Hercules) and yes Bianca. Pocahontas was a bit dull.

I loved the Lost chat on WaPo today with Doc Artz. Great theories getting thrown around there.

Oooooh upper_flowers, I got your kitty. She is snuggly. I need to come up with an awesome name for her. I might actually go with Luca since she is a calico just like Lulu's. XD Seriously, that gift surprised me so much since it was like from out of nowhere. Thank you!


Stolen from around
Choose twelve of your original characters in any particular order(NO PEEKING AT THE QUESTIONS AT THIS STAGE!) Then, answer the questions that follow.

1. Dominic (angsty/violent shapeshifter)
2. Lucian (charismatic demon playboy)
3. Erik (sharp-shooting crossdresser)
4. Ty (altruistic esper)
5. Tavores (tragic prince)
6. San (playful werewolf-hybrid)
7. Ari (spoiled werewolf noble/prince)
8. Romulus (11-yr-old werewolf-hybrid/assassin)
9. Casandra (original werewolf-hybrid)
10. Elkin (over-protective werewolf noble/king)
11. Isis (adventurous journalist)
12. Marq (intellectual werewolf/assassin)

( I love crossover memes. )

Anyone who's talked to me lately might notice that I'm in more of a slump than usual. You can't fix it and I'm not going to elaborate. Just realize that I'm not really irritated with you if I get a little snappy. I had a long life-spilling entry prepared but I'm not in the mood to share my issues with the world this time. It's pretty bad when your own coworkers realize you're out of spirits.

I usually have fandom stuff to say not but I've fallen behind on my Jetstream watching and need to get back on the ball with that. I'd do it now, but I really want to get around to finish reading my fiction so I can attempt to write it again for NaNoWriMo. With any luck, this sudden liking I have for Ty will last through the scenes I have to write for him. I am disappointed that I have created a character that so many people are ambivalent to when his existance is the whole plot of the story. The fantasy elements I pretend are all encompassing, but we all know I'm not so skilled with the master plots. But yes, no Ty = no point to the story.

Everyone seems to be enjoying the Monster lately. I just ran into two separate posts discussing it. I'm inspired to rush out and grab the manga, but so much is already out because unlike some of my other series, it comes out on a non-retarded schedule. I guess I could use my trip to the mall as a joint project since I still need to pick up Xenosaga III. I can't play it yet since I have't beat II. I'm now deciding whether I should spend the week I was going to spend with Tom watching Chrono Crusade or playing Xenosaga II. I'll need to bring the Playstation up to my room again so it's closer to the strategy guide. That way there will be no more of that damn missing of Awakenings. That and I'm not playing through Labyrinthos' puzzles again without the guide since I already put enough hours into originally solving those on my own. The box/door puzzle was the bane of my existance that night. Just thinking about it makes me want to chuck the controller at the TV. Uh, I also have to cash my check and give Father what is owed. I shall have no money left again. *sobs*

I've been rethinking my werewolf story through again. When will I ever make a concrete decision? Never. I'm thinking about replacing my idea of Seraph being directly related to the hybrid werewolves with her just being the one responsible for the Lycan's genesis. That way she's not just something special to the hybrids, Casandra particularly. It will be easier to make her a forgotten legend as well. Plus, it will give the Lycans another reason for creating the hybrids. Heritage is just becoming a more and more awkward title for this thing. Part of me wants to name it "The Prince and the Wolf" just for crack's sake.

In other news, I finally decided what to do with Damien in Psychosis. I like it. Although there is absolutely no foreshadowing before the third act and I will have to go back and revise. It's a much cleaner plan than my original ending. Kinda.

Damn, spent too long writing and now there's no time for banking.

I'm not eating turkey again. I'm sick of passing out at 11 p.m. By the way, Pride and Prejudice works much better for me when not in a mini-series format. Although I found myself wanting to scream "Will someone do SOMETHING?" at half the characters, they amused me, the mother and Mr. Darcy particularly. Tom is heading down to check out Rent today. Trying to set something up so Dana, he and I can have a screening. And he promises agreeance for the x-mas party, also awesome.

Not only did I fall asleep last night, I passed out during Black Cat. It wasn't even boring, and I was just gone. Still got to find the Yugioh that I was too lazy to turn on this morning. I've gotten so bad that I was awake at 8 a.m., but I just didn't feel like turning on my tv because that required getting up. Pathetic.

Raul and Ari have been getting development latley. Not sure why. Something about how Ari believes Raul should do whatever he tells him because of Raul's social standing. These too really border on the slave/master fic at times. I like playing with the idea but don't want it to become that in actuality. Still trying to settle on look for Raul. I think I'm going back to medium length hair all messy. Need to look up images again.

And people who comment on Psychosis should learn that just saying "oooh I love Luce/Nick" and "You're story is good" does not count as concrit and does not earn you permission for the rest. Feedback is the keyword here. Don't review me like we're talking on AIM. Though I should hold my tongue since I still have a chunk of people to add to the list. I haven't added since I posted a chapter. It just doesn't seem right. ;_; Also, I'm well aware that I forget Kat. I suck.

Plans for the day:
1. Get oil change, read Yugioh 5/Banana Fish 8/Until the Full Moon 2 while this is going on,
2. possibly pick up either DNAngel 8 or FMA 2 or Def Leppard CD,
3. email prof about conference,
4. train brother for three hours,
5. stay away from main Internet (not including AIM) for the duration of the day because if anyone spoils HBP for me I will gut them with a library card,
6. figure out what time to see "Charlie and the Chocolate factory,"
7. probably end up getting dragged off with quebelly,
8. and snag HBP for Walmart around midnight.

Don't know why I've been so manic-depressant lately, but I'd really like to get over it soon since it kills the will to write, and I have been actively thinking about dialogue and scenes lately. I think Luce sounds too old sometimes. But I can blame that on Tavores being an immortal and all. I promise everyone, who doesn't fixate on the cause of my condition, that I will be in better spirits the next time we talk. Unless something hideous occurs in HBP. I'm contemplating if watching PoT to that I understand Hyotei will improve my mood. Everyone's always on about Hyotei. Must be lavendar-bitch Atobe. He's sinful looking, but I need to get more into his personality.

I want that Wolf's Rain shirt catystorm mentioned. And, vonheston, I'm afraid to comment on your entry for fear of spoilers, but I think someone getting the cops called in on them for possessing HBP is awesome.

Sometimes I wonder if I de-age/de-violent Luce, would I be able to write Duo? Not attempting anything with Heero since he's so close to Nicky that I might get lost.

Heh, my paper got one of those HBP carton pixtures. But ours is in black and white. ;_;

Someone needs to tell the Nicky that just because he doesn't want to bust Lucian's ass for once doesn't mean he has to be nancy-boy about it. -_-

EDIT: WANT THIS GAME!!!
And in case any of you assuming bullies think "Oh wolves, boring, Nayami," I'll have you know that X-Play recommends this like crazy. It's one of the most original gaming concepts out there.

Well, most of the stuff is packed, and it only took two hours. All that's left is the larger electronics (TV and VCR), and most of my food. Tom and I are going to have real fun cleaning out the refrigerator. I think I'll just toss most of my stuff. Managed to toss most of the school stuff this time around, which is impressive since I'm one of the biggest pack rats, I know. Worried about removing the posters, especially the one Tom made me (y'all should remember that one). I doubt I'll be able to fit either the smaller FMA or Furuba's in my room, and I doubt Kira/Asuran will fit on my ceiling. I might have to be retiring that one. I have a smaller Kira/Asuran to make up for it. As for the Kaiba, let's hope Nikki enjoys company in the storage room since that's the only wall big enough for it.

Being the lazy lay-about that I am, I'm going to start working on cosplay next week. Checking out various wigs for Greed and still deciding whether I'll use my normal hair for Yayoi and Natsuo. Long-haired wigs are expensive and styling is not Nayami's friend. Need to look into ways to streak the tips of Yayoi's hair. And the kitty ears, that's going to be an exercise in madness. I need to find someone crafty to help me out with that one. Tail's going to be fun too. Thankfully, already have something close to Yayoi's. For Greed, I'm still deciding whether I want to do the claws.

I now understand Kim and Mura's frustration with the Loveless fangirls. It must hurt to watch your beloved series being cheapened by a bunch of braindead ninnies who can do nothing but proclaim Ritsuka and Soubi's tru wuv. Good thing I avoid the fandom for the most part. That reminds me that Loveless will soon be over and I'll be without English translations forever more. *SADNESS* I was hoping that the popularity of the anime would give manga translators some new blood and new motivation. Come on, people faithfully cover Naruto and FMA. You Loveless gals need to get off your asses and give me my underaged kitty pron PRONTO!

The displacement I've been feeling while checking up on teh camp has now cleared up thanks to some encouraging words.

Hope I get to chat with the YamiKai clan today.

Ventured here thanks to a post by guardian_yugi and although the interpretations of the Heritage posse sucks, the Psychosis ones (except for Nicky) were almost disturbingly accurate.

( I guess I chose the Psychosis names for a reason )

( And just for fun, the horrid Naruto interpretations )