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Excellent day. Almost every other person I called bitched at me.
Alexander? First, the rental stores only have the crapperific, less gay version. There is another one out that's the original theatrical release, but it's hard to find. Apparently, Mr. Stone believed America hated his movie because of the gay. While that might have some truth, seeing as how closed-minded half of this nation is, it fails to take into account the mass level of suckage that this movie is.
-One, Colin Farrell.
-Two, baaaad accents. They do not speak Vampira or Irish in Macedonia. Sorry, Stone.
-Three, the pacing. I spent half of the movie wondering what the hell was going on because Stone loves to cut from present to past in the most crucial of movements and without any decent transitional purpose. We got from Alex getting a fate talk from daddy Phillip to Alex taking on Persia. No! If you are going to interweave young Alex and older Alex story, you have to have some legitimate reason to switch between the two or I'm going to ice you.
-Four, cinematography. The fights gave me seizures. I've seen better fight set-ups in Suikonden. It's like left side, right side, left side, middle, right side again, middle, over here in the corner. Close-up, back shot, weapon shot, widescreen, close-up. Until my head is about to explode. Hell, in the battle with the elephants, everything was suddenly shot in red. My eyesight was so shot that I couldn't even tell if Alexander was dying or just tripping. Best cinematography was for the Hephaistion/Alexander scenes since they zoomed in on Leto and kept away from Farrell's ugly ass.
-Five, relationships. I love Hephaistion more than words can say (such delightfully creep eyes/hair/persona and so so devoted and intelligent), but the dialogue made me want to vomit. It was almost fanfic bad. I would have preferred they just stare lustfully at each other than speak that garbage. That and making Alex randomly score with his wife because she caught him making vows with Hephy made me ill. It was borderline rape and didn't do much to convince me of Alexander's heterosexuality, which I know was the reason they threw in the mostly naked scene. Granted, Alex's stuff with his father and mother was decent until Olympia went bonkers and uber-incestuous. I say Alex should have just boffed her and been done with it.
-Six, storyline. It didn't exist! It was a hodgepodge of a movie and only enjoyable when Alexander was a child.
IN CONCLUSION, it needs more ghei. Then I can forget about menial things like plot and writing and just cater to my shallow fangirl side. I need to find a cheap way of getting a hold of the original version so I can fast-forward to the parts that question Alexander's sexuality and ignore everything else. Seriously, this is a BAD movie. Do not waste your money unless you are perfectly aware of what you are getting into.
I get to go to Six Flags tomorrow. I'm going to ride the Batwing ride and quote Batman Begins lines over and over.
EDIT: Louis kept sitting on the remote and fast-forwarding the movie when I tried to rewatch Alexander. This is a sign.
EDIT 2: What is with me and typos lately? I need a typo-catcher or something. *sics whelps on post*
Alexander? First, the rental stores only have the crapperific, less gay version. There is another one out that's the original theatrical release, but it's hard to find. Apparently, Mr. Stone believed America hated his movie because of the gay. While that might have some truth, seeing as how closed-minded half of this nation is, it fails to take into account the mass level of suckage that this movie is.
-One, Colin Farrell.
-Two, baaaad accents. They do not speak Vampira or Irish in Macedonia. Sorry, Stone.
-Three, the pacing. I spent half of the movie wondering what the hell was going on because Stone loves to cut from present to past in the most crucial of movements and without any decent transitional purpose. We got from Alex getting a fate talk from daddy Phillip to Alex taking on Persia. No! If you are going to interweave young Alex and older Alex story, you have to have some legitimate reason to switch between the two or I'm going to ice you.
-Four, cinematography. The fights gave me seizures. I've seen better fight set-ups in Suikonden. It's like left side, right side, left side, middle, right side again, middle, over here in the corner. Close-up, back shot, weapon shot, widescreen, close-up. Until my head is about to explode. Hell, in the battle with the elephants, everything was suddenly shot in red. My eyesight was so shot that I couldn't even tell if Alexander was dying or just tripping. Best cinematography was for the Hephaistion/Alexander scenes since they zoomed in on Leto and kept away from Farrell's ugly ass.
-Five, relationships. I love Hephaistion more than words can say (such delightfully creep eyes/hair/persona and so so devoted and intelligent), but the dialogue made me want to vomit. It was almost fanfic bad. I would have preferred they just stare lustfully at each other than speak that garbage. That and making Alex randomly score with his wife because she caught him making vows with Hephy made me ill. It was borderline rape and didn't do much to convince me of Alexander's heterosexuality, which I know was the reason they threw in the mostly naked scene. Granted, Alex's stuff with his father and mother was decent until Olympia went bonkers and uber-incestuous. I say Alex should have just boffed her and been done with it.
-Six, storyline. It didn't exist! It was a hodgepodge of a movie and only enjoyable when Alexander was a child.
IN CONCLUSION, it needs more ghei. Then I can forget about menial things like plot and writing and just cater to my shallow fangirl side. I need to find a cheap way of getting a hold of the original version so I can fast-forward to the parts that question Alexander's sexuality and ignore everything else. Seriously, this is a BAD movie. Do not waste your money unless you are perfectly aware of what you are getting into.
I get to go to Six Flags tomorrow. I'm going to ride the Batwing ride and quote Batman Begins lines over and over.
EDIT: Louis kept sitting on the remote and fast-forwarding the movie when I tried to rewatch Alexander. This is a sign.
EDIT 2: What is with me and typos lately? I need a typo-catcher or something. *sics whelps on post*
